i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
