You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize