so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
