So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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