I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
