I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
