Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
