I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
