These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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