you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
