I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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