It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
