she kept yelling 'call me bella'
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize