Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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