Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
