She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
