Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize