She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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