my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
