grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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