I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
