but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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