his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
did i walk over a car last night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
