Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
