you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
