ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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