im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
