I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
