awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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