bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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