return my video game
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize