So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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