And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
