Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
