just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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