dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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