i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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