we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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