So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize