What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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