I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
