oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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