i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
