question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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