i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
There's even glitter on my cock...
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