Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
