i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
