You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
