You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Me too!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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