garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
