I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
