its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize