glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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