i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
send nudes
from the living room?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
