I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
