I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
