i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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