Umm I'm too high to move.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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