just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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