she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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