the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
