No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
