Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
